Cats & Dogs
by The Jasper Raven
Summary: It seemed that Izaya had found the perfect shield. Even Shizuo couldn't hurt him when there was a kitten on his shoulder.


Cats & Dogs

A puff of smoke shaded the air outside of Russia Sushi. Shizuo – having nothing better to do – had let himself get drawn into Simon's friendly, endless stream of conversation, hoping it would appease his boredom. Sadly, he wasn't getting the desired effect. Halfway through the Russian's ranting, between relentlessly advertising to passersby, Shizuo started zoning out and smoking. Sometimes, the habit calmed him down. The fact that everyone was veering as far away from the restaurant as possible upon recognizing the fearsome Shizuo Heiwajima standing outside was starting to piss him off. Seeing as Simon was one of the few people Shizuo _didn't_ want to gore with a stop sign, he figured he better split before he snapped.

"Yo," he interrupted whatever Simon was saying. "I'll catch ya later. These people make me want to kill someone."

"Okay Shizuo. Be nice to the vending machines!"

Shizuo twitched at the comment but, managed to let it go, crushing his cigarette on the ground before he skulked off. It was a suspiciously quiet day in Ikebukuro. Already midday and he hadn't totaled any streets yet - very suspicious. Puddles painted the sidewalks and drowned the potholes, fresh from last night's rainfall. A carpet of white-gray clouds hovered overhead, unsure of whether they should move on or not.

A few minutes of grumpy walking and the ex-bartender felt like he was calming down. Glancing down at his watch, Shizuo wondered in shock if this would be the first day he didn't uproot a traffic sign. Should he feel proud of that? Or should he get on his guard for something horrible to happen? Was this, like, the calm before the storm day or something? Great, now he was paranoid and it was pissing him off again!

Luckily or not, Shizuo's paranoia was sated a few moments later by a familiar chill dancing up his spine. He halted in the street, skin crawling in displeasure. There was a flea nearby. He could feel it. A few feet ahead, there was an innocent mini-van parked against the sidewalk. He marched up to it, prepared to tear it off the street to squish the bug when he appeared. Sure enough, his Izaya senses hadn't tingled for nothing and he spotted the black-clad informant come around a corner up ahead. Shizuo grinned, already feeling triumphant as he reached down and clutched the bumper of his weapon, letting lose his war-cry.

"IIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZAAAAAAAYAA – uh!"

He stopped short, staring at the other man as he came to a halt on the sidewalk. Izaya looked up and his trademark wicked smirk broke across his face upon recognizing his arch nemesis.

"Hey Shizu-chan!" he taunted, cheerfully. "I'm so happy to see you!"

Shizuo ignored the irritating greeting and released his iron grip on the van. It wasn't Izaya himself that had the blond so distracted it was what was perched on his shoulder that had lassoed in his attention. He peered closer in disbelief, muttering a confused, "What the hell?"

Izaya blinked innocently before smiling and reaching up to the fuzzy creature balancing on his shoulder.

"Oh, I know right? Isn't he adorable? I found him this morning, all wet and sad, poor little thing. I couldn't just leave him; I'm a sucker for cats."

A tiny black kitten with the biggest yellow eyes Shizuo had ever seen was rubbing against the neck of his arch rival, purring like a motor boat at the fingers scratching behind its ears. The blond was dumbstruck. The math wasn't working in his head. The evil that was Izaya plus cute, innocent kitten equaled…what exactly; kitten mutilation? Shizuo straightened, stuffing his hands in his pockets and glaring at the irritating flea.

"Found yourself a new target for knife throwing practice I see, you sicko."

Izaya gasped, aghast, taking a step back and clutching the little bundle of black fur against his shoulder, defensively.

"You're the sicko! What a horrible thing to say about a defenseless kitten! Besides, why would I hurt a cute cat when I get to play with my knives on _you_ every day?"

Relief washed over Shizuo. For a second there he got scared, thinking the devious Izaya he knew and loathed had been replaced by a sentimental idiot from another planet. Whilst defending the cat, Shizuo had been shocked by the _honesty_ in those cunning, reddish-brown eyes. He was reassured that the informant wasn't an alien or something when he promised to cut him up with his usual mocking tone. Still, Shizuo's gaze was drawn to the black kitten and the pale hand that gently, almost _lovingly_ caressed the matted fur.

The new pet owner noticed the blonde's bewildered stare and smiled, blithely. With care, he lifted the kitten off his shoulder. It squeaked in fright; a feeble, little "meep!" Shizuo noticed with horror that the meek sound made Izaya giggle. No matter how he looked at it, the blond just couldn't comprehend his enemy's strange new behavior. Distracted as he was with trying to figure out what the hell was happening, Shizuo startled back when the furry face was thrust into his own. The kitten stared at him in surprise and he stared back similarly before his gaze hardened and he glared around at the smirking Izaya.

"If you're nice to me, I'll let you pet him."

Shizuo snorted hatefully, glaring at the innocent animal. The kitten was looking around, clearly getting uncomfortable without solid ground beneath its paws. It stretched a foreleg out to Shizuo, the closest solid object it thought it might reach. The blond leaned away before the paw touched his cheek. He was starting to feel awkward. Plus, his stomach swam with nausea upon realizing how close the flea was to him.

"Get that fleabag out of my face, you rat," he growled, unhappily.

The kitten squirmed a little and squeaked again. Instead of watching it squirm and reveling in its despair like Shizuo assumed he would, Izaya laughed and hugged the kitten to his chest, cradling it in his arms. It was freaking him out.

"Where are your manners, Shizu-chan? God, you can't even be polite to a sweet little kitten. You're so cold."

"Put your filthy hands that close to my face again and I'll punch your skull out of your head!"

"Well, that's not very nice! No kitten petting for you," Izaya sighed, derisively. "Maybe it's for the best. You'd probably crush the poor thing on contact."

A frustrated growl was Shizuo's only response. Ignoring him, Izaya fondly rubbed around the kitten's chin and it resumed its purring, even louder than before. It meowed up at the informant with huge, round eyes and reached a paw up towards his face as if to return the clearly appreciated gesture. Shizuo _swore_ he heard Izaya purr back.

"Aw, I love cats, almost as much as I love humans. They're so graceful and regal, like the world belongs to them."

"Oh God, just shut up. Listening to you talk is pissing me off."

"Looking at your ugly face is pissing my cat off."

Shizuo grabbed hold of the mini-van he'd been eying up earlier and lifted it over his head, rage now unbridled.

"Say that again deadman!" he roared from under the vehicle.

"Now, now you wouldn't hit a guy with a kitten, would you?"

"Screw the cat!"

Shizuo brought the van down on Izaya's head. The crunch and screech of metal against concrete shattered the quiet day – and ruined any hopes of the city not paying for street repair. Shizuo panted and grunted from the exertion – a mini-van was a big upgrade from a traffic sign. The effort had been in vain – as it often was – as Izaya peered around the car, unharmed. An annoyed scowl had replaced the smirk of childish delight and he glared at Shizuo, grudgingly.

"Good job, Shizu-chan," he scolded. "Look what you did."

He blinked in confusion before realizing Izaya was fretting over the stupid cat. The thing had puffed up to twice its size, its fur standing on end like someone had rubbed it against a balloon. It looked like something out of a cartoon. Every claw on its four paws was tearing into Izaya's jacket for dear life and it hissed at him from around the man's head. It wasn't the most ferocious sound in the world. It was more like a rasp than a hiss. It made Izaya snort in amusement before picking the needle-sharp claws out of the fur-lined hood. He took it off his shoulders again and held it in his arms, smoothing out the spiked fur.

"Well, guess I better get going before you permanently traumatize the little guy. Say good-bye to Uncle Shizu!"

The blond steamed with fury, teeth practically grinding into powder in his mouth. Feigning ignorance, Izaya brought the cat up to his face, turning it towards the fuming man and raising one of its paws to make it wave at him. The kitten was not pleased. Letting it crawl back up to its favorite shoulder, Izaya mimicked the wave before turning to leave.

Shizuo shoved his blue-tinted glasses up the bridge of his nose, brows twitching at a hundred miles per hour. God, he wanted to kill that bastard! But, could he live with the guilt of murdering a kitten in the process? It wasn't like he loved cats or anything – he really wasn't a cat person – but, it was a _kitten_. Even _he_ couldn't get pissed off at a kitten. Taking a few deep breaths, it took all of Shizuo's inhuman strength to turn himself around and even _attempt_ to walk away. However, Izaya apparently wasn't finished annoying him yet.

Not exactly calling but, speaking loud enough for him to hear, he heard the flea say, "Come on, Shizu-chan. Time to go home."

Shizuo balked and whirled around like a vengeful tornado, prepared to throw the informant all the way beyond the city limits.

"What, are you insane!" he screamed. "I'm not going anywhere with you, you snake!"

"Um, I wasn't talking to _you_."

Izaya stopped and looked over his shoulder with that mischievous smirk, continuing to caress the kitten that had resumed its content rubbing around its new master's neck. Shizuo glanced at the cat then at Izaya then back at the cat then back at Izaya. _Now_, he hated that cat. He could kill it without feeling bad.

Before he could step towards the nearest traffic signal though, the familiar howl of the Black Rider's steed echoed up the street. Celty glided around a corner, waving briefly at Shizuo when she spotted him. Izaya waved, mockingly, as she passed him but, she didn't return the gesture, continuing down the road. Suddenly, she braked abruptly and spun her motorcycle around, speeding back to Izaya and parking next to him. She whipped out her PDA and rapidly typed. Shizuo didn't need to see it to know what it said. The waves of excitement rolling off of her translated very clearly.

[Kitten? You got a KITTEN?]

Izaya laughed and said something Shizuo couldn't hear. He watched Celty hesitate, trembling with barely contained excitement before typing again. He had a feeling it said something along the lines of [Can I pet him? Please, please?]

The informant happily complied with her request, handing Shizu-chan II over to her. Celty held it before her face, silently squealing in delight. Curiously, the cat pawed at her helmet. Her shoulders shook with laughter. Shizuo glanced at Izaya after feeling his deceptive eyes on him. That arrogant smirk seemed to say, "You _wish_ you could pet my kitten."

Shizuo flipped him off. Izaya shrugged and returned to showing off his new pet. He went on to tell the headless woman about how he saved the kitten from a life in the Dumpsters and that he just couldn't abandon a poor kitten in need. Shizuo was afraid Celty might hug him. He felt some vomit coming on. Growling with distaste Shizuo turned around, ready to get home before he puked in the street. He came to a sudden halt when he found that his path was obscured. He barely stopped in time before he trampled a mangy, brown dog sitting on the sidewalk, looking up at him with big forlorn brown eyes.

"What are you looking at?" Shizuo grumbled.

He stared at the dog and it stared, sadly up at him. A pathetic whimper came from the dog's throat and it unexpectedly made something tweak inside the man's chest. Slowly, he leaned down and tentatively patted the dog's head. Its bushy tail wiggled slightly and it licked the side of his hand, gratefully. He straightened again, regarding the animal for a few moments before noticing that unpleasant chill on his spine once more. He threw a glance over his shoulder and found Izaya glaring at the mongrel in disgust. (Celty was dragging shadows across the ground for the kitten to play with). Izaya spotted Shizuo watching him and quickly returned his attention to his cat.

Shizuo looked back at the hopeful-looking dog. He grinned from ear to ear. So, Izaya hated dogs, huh? Finally! He found something to annoy the flea with as much as he annoyed him. He crouched down and pat the dog some more. It bounced up, planting its forepaws on the man's shoulders, tail wagging more fervently.

"Come on Flea," Shizuo said, loudly. "Let's go home."

The scalding glare on the back of his neck was priceless.

**A/N: **Just finished DRRR! and I _had_ to write _something_. It's just too awesome to not write about. This idea came to me because of the kitten fever going on through my family. First, me and my brother got kittens, then my cousins' friends got kittens, and now, our cousins are getting a kitten! They're everywhere! XD While watching an AMV and playing with my own kitten, it suddenly dawned on me: _You know what...I bet Izaya's a cat person._ Tada! Plotbunny. And who better to share the kitteness with than Shizu-chan? Celty's reaction was inspired by my cousin, momoxtoshiro. X3

It didn't come out quite as good as I was hoping but, I had to get it out of my head before I forgot about it. I really wanted to get this out there. I'm thinking of doing more kitten/Izaya centric fics but, I'll know if I should bother by your reviews. PLEASE REVIEW! Criticism of all varieties are very much welcome. Give me your honest opinion and let me know what you think!

Thanks all! :D


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